It's been a year since I was enlisted (most unwillingly) into the army, and at times (almost all the time, actually) I wonder: why doesn't the stupid army just dump its crappy old broken down vehicles and get new ones? And also: why are there these stupid devices that prevent you from going at more than 50kmph?
It boggles the mind.
People are always grouching that army drivers are demons on the roads once they get their own cars, that army drivers don't give a rat's ass about regulations and basic courtesy on the roads (as if you people do, MEH.) They complain that army vehicles are dinky and basically eyesores, and that the drivers hog the roads, casually going at a speed a drunken baby in his pram could easily overtake.
People, people, people... while I agree that army vehicles are dinky, it is not that we want to go at such stupid speeds. Believe me, it's even more frustrating for us than it is for you - it's hair-tearingly maddening to see the landscape crawling by, and even more so seeing heavy vehicles, especially those supposed to be really slow, speeding past us. Put yourself in our shoes for a moment before you go bitching, whining and showing off that wonderfully rude gesture of yours, eh? Little wonder it is that army drivers tend to speed once they get a hold of a vehicle that does not have that devilish, much hated little speed device.
It's something along the lines of: "WHOO! I CAN GO FASTER THAN 50! I'VE NEVER GONE FASTER THAN 50 BEFORE! YAAAAY! 60! 70! 80! 100! 120! Whoa, hey, I'm not used to this speed.. and... and WHERE DID THAT WALL COME FRO-" *crash*
And let me say this: if there were no repercussions, I would take a sledgehammer this instant, and go smash up the vehicles myself. Army vehicles are like the bane of my existence. Just a few days ago, one came remarkably close to cutting my decidedly short and not-quite-rich life to an end. You see, I was cruising (figuratively speaking, it was more like crawling) along a highway, and had to change lanes due to a blockage in the road ahead. While switching (here it gets slightly technical), I decided to change gears, but the moment I put the gear into neutral and stepped on the clutch pedal, my vehicle stalled and started careening happily down the highway.
I think the screams of my various passengers (and myself) could be heard throughout the entire country. I quickly started up the engine again, but the moment I stepped on the clutch to engage a gear (any gear!) it stalled again, and resumed its wondrous adventure down the middle of two lanes, where cars were speeding past on my right. The tension was thick, I tell you.
About 4 start-ups and a bazillion vehicles speeding past far too close to my vehicle for any form of comfort, the vehicle hung in between stalling and running just a split second longer than usual, and I managed to engage the goddamned gear. Cue much cheering and relief (as well as a few shifty looks at certain spots that looked like they had been soiled)
Finally, we managed to exit the Speeding Highway of Probable Death, and rolled to a stop in front of a traffic junction, where we all paused to catch our breaths and congratulate one another on having escaped certain doom. And then a passenger just so happened to bring up the topic of my flying to an overseas camp up in the mountains to support a unit.
"Hey, what will happen if you were going down the mountain trail, and the engine died like that?"
...
I haven't slept very well since then.
DAMN YOU, ARMY VEHICLES!
DAMN YOUUU!